March 9, 2018

Are You An Extrovert Masking As An Introvert?

March 9, 2018

(shout out to my dad for suggesting this topic and title to me! you da greatest!)

Do you ever have moments of being completely out of your shell around strangers, and find that you absolutely love it? But, for the most part, you'd rather be alone or don't feel comfortable around people, even your own friends and family? If so, I can 100% relate and can tell you that although you enjoy your alone time and could easily go days, weeks, without reaching out to others, you're likely someone who's a closet extrovert ridden with some kind of fear of others.

I used to identify as someone with social anxiety. My throat would tighten up, my chest would get heavy, and I had a hard time being with people. Couldn't relax. Overthinking. Uncomfortable. I felt as if I couldn't be myself, that's why I'd rather be by myself. Furthermore, I felt that people's vibes would disrupt my own. So, duh, staying home alone was the bomb!

Yet, I'd have many moments where the discomfort and anxiety disappeared, and instead was replaced by freedom, joy, love, and connection. And if I had the choice, I'd much rather be the latter. So, what gives? Keep reading!

Being Fake Is "Safer" Than Being Vulnerable

In my experience, being connected and self-expressed is our natural state. But, for whatever reasons, we shove that aside in favor of safety from some perceived fear - or some kind of feeling we find pain or discomfort in.

If this does not relate to you, then you are a true introvert I guess. I really think we have both sides to us, and that it's important to honor and express both sides as our needs require.

However, there are some of you reading this post that would like to express and experience their extrovert nature more often than not. Let me share more insights that may enlighten why you feel the way you do about the outside world and the people in it.

We're not interacting with each other's spirit, we're interacting with each other's image.

There's a lot of putting an image of who we are, and not as much being who we really are. Instead of being in our true nature, people tend to define themselves based on their past, what they wear, their college degree, their bank account, and a host of other things.

Because of this, it's typical to sense a type of..."who's the best" or "who's the least" out in the world. And this is not done consciously. I have no clue if it's related to our evolution, but that's not important. Point being, it's some kind of ego thing, mind thing. Not the true you.

And the definitions of "who's worthy and valuable" versus "not" is based on some kind of assumed grading scale that we as a society uphold for some reason. For example, if you went to college and I didn't, some people will let that effect their opinions of us, what we're worth, etc.

Similarly, if a woman is tall, blonde, and skinny she is treated a certain way as opposed to a short, fat male. The point here is that people often unconsciously have these filters, labels, and value systems running the show.

If you're not your image...then what or who are you? Keep reading!

Remember Who You Really Are

Underneath all of the surface stuff, there's a core you. You can identify the core you when you observe children. Children are not identified with stuff, maybe their toys or their parents, but that's pretty much it. They are free, joyous, and fully expressive of how they feel moment to moment.

That nature, which still exists in all of us, gets suppressed or shoved away over time, for various reasons. Life becomes serious, we become serious, and then it turns into this whole show of trying to get somewhere or become someone, in hopes of alleviating the rejection or disconnection of our true spirit.

This may not be what it's like for you, but it's 100% what it was like for me. Like I said, I identified as socially anxious, and in the past when I HAD to be with others, I used tactics and skills to navigate the external world - not really being, just willing my way through.

If you wish to come out of the closet and express your extrovert nature (your love, joy, silliness, etc) then keep reading, I have some tips that helped me transcend the socially conditioned mind.

If what l shared resonates with you, and you want to step outside of the box known as your identity and be free to be in the world and not confined by fear, I have some tips based on my personal experience:

1. Attend some kind of self-awareness workshop/program.

These self-awareness programs are designed to give you tools to no longer be identified with the socially conditioned mind. Once you see things clearly, that you are NOT these things that society says you are, you can reconnect to that part of you that is free to be. This is a priority.

I suggest researching self-awareness programs and finding what resonates best with you. I personally have attended seminars through Landmark Worldwide. Their education is top notch, but some people do not enjoy their business model - I certainly don't. If you decide to take their marquee program, the Landmark Forum, do not be afraid to say NO to other programs they will 100% offer you at the end.

I ADVISE, DO NOT SAY YES TO MORE PROGRAMS IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO MORE PROGRAMS. That goes for any self-awareness, or personal development course - not just Landmark.

That said, do your due diligence and research all possible programs that pique your interest. (just learned it's 'pique' not 'peak' or 'peek' haha)

2. Develop a daily, moment to moment practice of being present.

I'm not saying you need to be present all day everyday. As you develop the muscle of staying present, you'll find that the energy that fuels fear and angst in life will decrease dramatically. It'll still hit you at times, but you'll have a pathway to get out of your head and back in reality. And when you are connected to yourself, you have access to the moment, where all your creativity and brilliance can shine.

if you are unfamiliar with presence, and being present, I highly recommend you buy and READ this book: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

click here to buy the power of now!

The Power of Now, in combination with the self-awareness training I've done, has empowered me to transcend my social anxiety and express my extroverted nature. I now enjoy the hell out of being with people. I am not afraid of anyone. There's nothing to fear. We're just people. When you practice presence, and develop the muscle of transcending the fearful mind, then you are free to be yourself, and hence free to be with others.

Hope this article empowered you to understand in more depth what it is you're experiencing when it comes to being introverted with extroverted moments, as well as a pathway for you to express BOTH sides freely as you need to!

Happy living!

Gabriel Santos

February 24, 2018

How To Transcend "Social Anxiety"

Gabriel Santos

February 24, 2018

Many people suffer from social anxiety. For those that do, in order to avoid the emotional, mental, and spiritual pains that social anxiety brings, people often stay home, or stick to people and activities they know and trust. Not to mention they often use prescription drugs, or substances like alcohol, marijuana, and tobacco to deal with the symptoms of social anxiety.

I know what that's like, because I used to identify as someone with social anxiety. It sucks.

However, there were moments in my life where social anxiety seemed to disappear, and I was free to be whoever and however I was in the moment, without a single inkling of judgment to account for. After getting a taste of freedom from social anxiety, my goal was to get educated on what caused those moments of freedom to occur, and how I can be there more often than not.

I am happy to say that I've gotten to the point where I am more open and free to experience life fully than I am ridden by the experience of social anxiety. In fact, I don't identify with social anxiety at all anymore, it's a pretty dis-empowering label.

Now, if I do ever start experiencing old symptoms of "social anxiety" I recognize it as being identified with the mind (the ego). Then I do whatever I need to do to snap out of it.

In this post, I'll share with you my experience of transcending social anxiety, as well as a practical pathway to freedom, so that you can do it too if you so desire.

It is my sincere intention that this post be the one that frees you from the story and experience of "social anxiety" and allows you to BE and live a full life.

The Breakdown of This Post

What Social Anxiety Was Like For Me: First, I'll share with you a brief description of what social anxiety was like for me, to see if you relate. That way you know that what I'm describing as social anxiety is in fact what you are also experiencing (and if it's not, hopefully the post brings you value anyways).
The Root Cause of Social Anxiety: Second, we'll identify the two root causes of social anxiety, as discovered through my own self-study and experiences.
How to Transcend Social Anxiety: Lastly, we'll go over how to transcend social anxiety, which will be broken down into two parts.

BONUS: At the end of the post, there will be a number of resources where you can get educated on the mind and how to enter the present moment (the key to freedom!)

What Social Anxiety was like for me

My social anxiety went like this: "In the world, I must be something I'm not. By myself, I am free to be what I am."

What that looked like is staying home, by myself, where nobody's energy or expectations enter my space. Cause being in public, being with people, I'd have to be fake and put up an image, and hide who I am and what I do. With social anxiety, I can't open up to anyone. It's just too much.

Furthermore, the constriction in my chest and throat are what I live to avoid. That feeling of being suppressed and muzzled. The overwhelming feeling of being insecure and uncertain about myself and what other's think of me. NO THANKS. I'm staying home and smoking weed!!!

(Sound familiar?)

The Root CAuse of Social Anxiety

being disconnected from the body
being identified with the mind and its delusions

Other sources might say differently. Like it has to do with your chemical make, your genetics, or maybe even some past trauma. All are valid, all definitely correlated with social anxiety.

However, as someone who used to suffer from social anxiety, and is now free from it, I can tell you from experience that it is primarily the identification with your delusional mind, coupled with a total disconnection from your body and feelings, that fuels the experience known as social anxiety

How to Transcend Social Anxiety

I'll be honest, it took years of self discovery and inner work to disentangle the emotional, spiritual, and mental delusion known as Social Anxiety. I don't expect anyone to read this post and be immediately cured of their social anxiety. However, I do intend to create a pathway to your ultimate freedom with this post. It's the most important thing to me.

As we identified earlier, the two root causes of social anxiety are (1) being disconnected from the body, and (2) being identified with the mind and its delusions.

In order to transcend your social anxiety, those two things must be addressed and treated.

1. Reconnect with the body. FEEL!

(especially in those times when your social anxiety is triggered)

As people who dedicate themselves to NOT feel, especially feeling insecure and emotionally threatened, your first step to freedom is to FEEL that which you avoid.

For me, the worst social anxiety times are being in-line or waiting for something while other people wait in silence around me, and being around large crowds of people (like concerts or parties).

In the past, you might quickly turn to your phone, or even mentally check out whenever you HAD to put yourself in situations that your socially anxious self would rather avoid. Moving forward, as best you can, allow yourself to FEEL and BE in your BODY during those times you'd rather run away (figuratively...shoot...and literally as well).

How to Feel:

Close your eyes and put your attention on your body. Your limbs, fingers, chest, legs.

At first you might only feel the slightest of anything. Maybe you feel NOTHING at all. That's completely normal.

You've spent years being in your head, talking stories and stories of how scary things are and how you're not enough and how you need to do X, Y, Z, in order to finally be whole and complete. STAHP THAT.

Just feel. Put at least some attention on your body whilst you go about your day. Be willing to feel both the positive and negative emotions. People tend to avoid things like boredom, frustration, and uncertainty. Just feel it. Get back in your body.

That suppressed feeling socially anxious people have has to do with the fact that they will not let their feelings express.

You don't have to go about yelling and cussing like you have turrets, but the simple intention to feel what you feel is more than enough.

And no, you don't have to make connecting to people in line at the grocery store a part of this process. In fact, the next time you're at the grocery store, in line, dreading the whole experience, just FEEL. FEEL the awkwardness, feel the pain in the air, feel the disconnection. It's so real it's crazy.

2. Practice Presence - Get Out Of Your Head. (two parts)

Part 1 - Get Educated About Being In The Moment

Before you can practice presence, you must know what it is. To get a full understanding, I highly recommend reading "The Power of Now: The Pathway to Enlightenment" by Eckhart Tolle. That book will teach you everything you need to know about how the mind works to have you never feel and be enough, and how in order to be present you must transcend the identification with the mind.

It is through that book, as well as numerous other resources, that I am where I am today in terms of being free from social anxiety.

Part 2 - Make it a daily practice to enter the moment.

At first, your identification with the mind will be so strong and normal that your mind will turn getting present into some kind of mind thing. "We need to be present in order to be enough" is something that might come up. I promise you, that with the proper education, and the validation of others success by using that education to transcend the mind's ways, you'll slowly but surely be the master of your mind, not the prisoner.

There is no way to be a master of the mind and be confined by the experience of social anxiety. As you are more and more present than you are in the head, you'll notice the anxiety like symptoms others express all the time. In general, people are doing their best to avoid judgment, appear like they have it all together, and fill in awkward silences/interactions. Hell, you used to be one of them. By practicing presence, not only will your life be more full, but you then become a beacon of connected-ness and peace of mind for those around you.

Summary

The way the mind works is such that you need to become someone, do something, or get something in order to feel satisfied, whole, and complete with yourself and life. And as that is the mind's agenda, if you do not recognize this, your entire life will be about having to become someone, do something, or get something in order to feel satisfied.

And because this is the nature of the mind, to need something in the future to feel good now, you'll never feel good now because the key to unlock feeling good now has to do with something you have to be, do, or get in the future. To the mind, the FUTURE holds all the gold, yet the only time you'll get to experience anything is now.

So, unless you're dedicated to feeling whole and complete later, as a result of some 12 year long accomplishment or something, then I suggest you do whatever it is you need to do to become aware of the mind's delusions agenda, practice presence, and switch from being a slave to your mind to being its master.

Resources

Books: