Sharing my wins and accomplishments? Easy.
Sharing my flaws and failures? Icky.
As much as I like to believe I am perfect and don't make mistakes, or have any set backs, I am susceptible to them as any other person.
Another thing I'd like to clear up is that I'm not always positive. Rather, I have negative thoughts and negative feelings like other people too.
I choose to share positive things on social media because I want to have a positive effect on other people.
That said, the last couple weeks have been full of personal limitations and "bad" habits of my past.
The main habit, the core habit if you will, is caring more about being stoned (off weed) than taking action towards my goals.
Some context: For 8 years I smoked nearly every day. Unconsciously, I allowed smoking weed to be the center of my life. It got so "bad" that I became addicted/dependent. I didn't know what to do. It was only until 2017 that I demonstrated I could control myself (8 months no weed). Then again this year when I realized that although quitting for life isn't for me, adjusting my priorities in life is a must.
I think it's important for me to share with you all that I've been completely ignoring my responsibilities in favor of just being stoned and chilling super hard.
Here's the thing. I know there's a lesson to learn here. I'm not sure what it is.
I don't know what the "right" lesson is, but the lesson I'm learning is that for whatever reason, I have a predisposition to going from being very active and conscious to being very still and unconscious.
I'm rambling at this point, but what I'm feeling is a resistance to the next level. Borderline a fear. A worry. A clinging onto a sense of safety. A desperation.
I hope that people reading this do not think any less of me. I hope that the respect and credibility you've given me in the past still exists despite sharing my flaws.
If not, so be it.
I will say this though, I get why we idolize those who succeed and do big things: It's hard.
Many people have trouble waking up on the first alarm and getting to work on time. It's hard.
Saying no to candy is hard. Saying no to parties is hard. Saying yes to uncomfortable feelings is hard.
It's fuckin hard!
Well...it technically doesn't have to be hard. What I'm doing here is validating that it is indeed hard.
OKAY. I'm done rambling. DONE. Lol.
Until tomorrow,
GS
