If you've read the latest blogs you may have noticed a lack of...structure, value, and overall effort in my writing. Long story short, I've gotten lazy and stopped caring about my work. Cool! That said, I am back to writing "effortful" posts.
In today's post, you will learn about the day I stopped identifying as Catholic. That's right, we're talking about religion! As a pretext, know that this is not about bashing Catholicism or any faith. It is more for people who are interested to learn why I no longer identify as Catholic.
Side note: The people I am looking to attract, my tribe so to speak, are going to be people who identify namely as spiritual as opposed to a certain faith. Not that they MUST identify as this, but it's just what I see happening. I am open to a person identifying as anything cause it has nothing to do with me. I digress.
This post will go as follows:
1. Background: The Classic Catholic Filipino
2. I Was THIS Close To Dedicating My Life As A Priest (not really)
3. Zeitgeist - The "Conspiracy" Movie That Changed My Life Forever
4. CTA: Find Your Own Answers
5. Addendum
6. Related Resources
1. Background: The Classic Catholic Filipino
If you are filipino, or know one, then you know that a majority of filipinos are born and raised Catholic. I was no different. Although my parents are not hardcore about it, we did go to church on Sundays, I received my first communion, and I went to a Catholic high school. It was mainly my grandparents, namely on my mother's side, that being a Jesus freak was of high order. All things considered, my Catholic upbringing was standard.
One thing to note is how ingrained the impact of "sinning" or "doing wrong" had on my ability to "get into Heaven." I really, truly thought that sinning meant God hated me, or something to that affect. And that it was absolutely necessary that refrain from any sin in order to be a good boy in God's eyes.
God damn that's some fucked up shit! To me at least. In hindsight that is. No offense to anyone. You get what I'm saying (hopefully).
2. I Was THIS Close To Dedicating My Life As A Priest (not really)
I was a particularly obedient child. I did what my parents told me. I listened to the school rules and followed them. I realized early on that if I follow the rules I don't get in trouble and things usually go in my favor. Following rules is what got me good grades, made me a better baseball player, and had me earn stars in class that eventually earned me prizes. What's not to like about following rules!? It helps me avoid pain and gain pleasure.
That said, as an obedient rule follower, it only seemed natural that a Catholic God would want me to become a priest. Right? I mean...priests MUST be the ultimate non-sinners in the eyes of God. Right? I don't know.
In any case, it was only just a tiny seed of an idea I had in my mind - becoming a priest. I didn't tell anyone about it. I didn't look into any...priest programs? lmao. It was just my young mind trying to be a good boy.
Thank the good lord baby jesus I didn't do that. No offense to the priesthood...but that life just AINT FOR ME!
Ironically...in many ways I feel I will live my own authentic version of being a priest. By priest I mean being someone who serves God and serves the world through love, as a means of empowering people to get to "heaven", which in this case is just a person's version of life they want to live.
I am being dead serious...and controversial...in saying that Heaven is not a place we go to after physical death...Heaven is a place that exists when our identities die. I'm not here to convince anyone of anything...this is just what I know.
ANYWAYS!
3. Zeitgeist - The "Conspiracy" Movie That Changed My Life Forever
It was a Saturday night. My cousin and I were at a family party. I was 16 years old, my cousin 14. I still remember watching the opening animation of the movie. Little did I know, the foundation of my life's belief systems were about fucking collapse.
The movie is called "Zeigeist" by Peter Joseph. In it the narrator dives into the topics of religion, money, government, and 9/11. "Dives into" is a fucking understatement. The movie is designed to have any person question the validity in which those four topics are typically viewed.
Put it this way: There is a story about all four of those topics that the average person knows. It is the same story that we learned from authoritative sources like the news or our president. Zeitgeist provides an alternative story, one backed by evidence and research akin to that of a detective solving a mystery case.
Point being, the belief systems I had known up until my 16th year on earth on the topics of religion, money, government, and 9/11 were about to be questioned for the first time. Prior to this, I had NEVER even considered that the version of the world I had blindly accepted was not true. Why would I need to question it?
Once the movie was over...all I had were fucking questions.
More than questions, I was angry. Angry that I had believed in something that was likely not true. Angry that I was effectively being LIED to. Angry that I was led astray on purpose.
Who knows if it was actually on purpose. Point is...I believed in LIES and I had no idea.
So, as you'd expect, there went the priest life. More than that...there went my faith in God and the world I live in (for the ensuing years at least).
4. CTA: Find Your Own Answers
Fortunately, I was still super young when this shattering-of-the-fundamental-beliefs-of-my-entire-fucking-life phenomenon happened. Meaning, only a small slice of my life was driven by beliefs that weren't truly mine. Thus, the sense of regret or loss of time was not that bad. I can't imagine being a priest and going through something similar. In any case, everything happens for a reason.
I encourage you to find your own answers, especially in regards to things you've always believed in but necessarily verified for yourself. I'm not saying you have to question gravity...but shit it might be a healthy practice to do so.
In particular, question the belief systems that don't bring you optimal joy, success, and fulfillment. If you don't want to believe in a god that punishes its believers, then don't.
Warning: The rabbit hole goes deep as fuck and there's virtually no way to FULLY verify the research you find. There's always a "what if" scenario that can crumble any pile of evidence.
What worked for me is to find a belief system that brings me a sense of piece and groundedness. I do not claim to know the answers, but the answers I've come to bring me an answer I'm satisfied with.
I urge you to do the same. You will likely experience anger, aha-moments, and ultimately peace of mind (not always, but more often than not). I promise you it's worth it...but only if you're willing to risk everything you've ever known.
As always, the choice is yours. There's no right or wrong way.
5. Addendum
After watching Zeitgeist my beliefs in God, life, money, and government went through many versions, backed by varying emotions.
As I said, at first I was pissed the fuck off and stopped believing in anything for a little bit. I even identified as atheist (someone who believes in no God period). I was also a little afraid. Like...what the hell was going on? As my old beliefs were shattered, so was the certainty in the world I was living in.
With some time passed, I came more to my senses and figured there was must be some kind of ultimate being or force guiding this ship...but I didn't know who or what - aka agnosticism. With less a snooty tone as an atheist, an agnostic is someone who believes we simply can't know what is going on. That seemed more appropriate to believe in.
Then, when I got to college I believed in The Universe. I took this class about the Solar Systems in which I learned how massive the Universe is and how tiny I am. In understanding the grand nature of things, I came to the conclusion that something so much bigger than me is at play, and although I can't explain it, it does things (kind of like a God would I supposed).
Soon after my spiritual journey would advance several levels when my girlfriend broke up with me. "What is love, really" I asked myself. As I asked, so did the Universe provide. Books upon books. Videos upon videos. Teacher after teacher did the answers come my way, and STILL come my way. It was a time of deep wondering and asking of the real answers.
Long story short, cause I could go ON AND ON really, I've come to a point where I still couldn't verify the answers and their validity in truth. It's at the point where, just like Morpheus says to Neo in the scene of the Matrix where they're in the white space, "A person cannot be told what the Matrix is, he must see it for himself." Meaning, even if I DID know of a truth, or the truth, I couldn't convince an un-knowing mind of the truth. That mind must see it for themselves.
And so, now a days, my model of life revolves around seeing things through my mind or seeing it from awareness, beyond the mind.
It'd take me a while to elaborate in full on how exactly I see the world and the things that helped me get there. That's not important anyways.
What is important is that I do believe in a God. I do believe that there is something so divine and unexplainable by the human mind that it inevitably is the one responsible for everything. And I do believe that within everything and everyone a piece of God exists, cause God is everything. I don't know if it is a force, a being, or something like that.
I just know there is a connection and a "something" that has all of this make PERFECT sense, but I can't explain it and I don't live there 99.99999% of the time. And I'm okay with that.
Most days I just do my best to live a life I enjoy and help others do the same. I'm not saint or angel. Definitely not a priest. I'm SO nothing more or less than anyone else, although I like to hype myself up like I am sometimes.
ANYWAYS.
If you got to the end of this post "I REALLY fuck with you", as one of my favorite rappers J-Cole said in the last seconds of his album "2014 Forest Hills Drive."
Much Love,
GS
6. RELATED RESOURCES
ZEITGEIST: THE MOVIE | 2007 (HD)
ZEITGEIST 2: ADDENDUM | 2008 (HD)
ZEITGEIST 3: MOVING FORWARD (FULL - 2011)
Books
Spirituality:
The Power of Now: A Guide To Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle
A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle
Love, Freedom, and Aloneness: The Koan of Relationships by Osho
Self Transformation/Psychology:
The Power Of Habit: Why We Do What We Do In Life And Business by Charles Duhigg
Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny! by Tony Robbins
7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons In Personal Change by Stephen Covey
Masculine Energy & Purpose:
The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire (20th Anniversary Edition) by David Deida
Money/Online Business:
The 4-Hour Work Week: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Tim Ferriss
DotCom Secrets: The Underground Playbook for Growing Your Company Online by Russell Brunson
Expert Secrets: The Underground Playbook for Finding Your Message, Building a Tribe, and Changing the World by Russell Brunson
The Circle of Profit: How To Turn Your Passion Into $1 Million by Anik Singal
The Millionaire Booklet: How To Get Super Rich by Grant Cardone
MONEY Master the Game: 7 Simple Steps to Financial Freedom by Tony Robbins
