On this day I decided to message my friend and essentially tell him he looks fat and needs to lose weight. I thought I was being a good friend. But, with no response from him, I started to feel like shit. This post is a deep reflection on what that experience was like for me and what I learned moving forward.
If you're like me, or many people, then you'd rather not be so judgmental about yourself, other people, and the world. You'd prefer to be more accepting, loving, compassionate, and at peace. More positive vibes, so to speak.
The issue, is that it seems the judgmental component of ourselves never goes away and is here to stay. So, what does one do?
Instead of telling you to just "accept the judgment" and "let it be", we'll do two things:
First, we'll have a brief overview of the nature of judgment within the mind. Secondly, we'll go over a daily practice to quiet the judgmental mind and experience more calmness.
Fundamentally, judgment is a denial of how things are, fueled with an attachment to how things "should be." It is something we develop as we get older, usually as a result of what other people tell us about the world, or things we absorb from the environment.
Over time, we develop a model of the world, where some things are acceptable and some things are not. Often, this model of the world is based on what we think other people expect of us, or what we expect of ourselves, based on what we think we need to do, be, or have, in order to be accepted, loved, happy, or fulfilled.
It's a complete mind thing. The mind is obsessed with becoming this, getting that, doing this, having that, not doing that, etc. The mind can be kind of a nagging, restless force at times.
If you're starting to get confused or maybe even scared, that's normal. Your mind, and the identification you have with it, is becoming exposed. That's all. I promise that on the other end of this journey is access to real fulfillment and security.
Although knowing the mind judges is great, knowing does not necessarily lead to a shift in the way you relate to the judging mind. As promised, the next section will focus on a daily practice that will quiet the judgmental mind and make it less frequent, which will lead to more peace, joy, and fulfillment in life!
To reduce judgment is to get out of the mind, the head. There are two ways I do this on a daily basis.
I HIGHLY recommend this practice because it's straightforward can be done anywhere, anytime.
I spent a good amount of years nearly entirely in my head. Being in one's head is not being alive. It's just not. You can't be in your head and experience life fully, or even 75% fully, or even 50% fully. All you'll experience is your mind's interpretation of the moment.
Get out of your head and FEEL the body. At first, you may not feel much, that's okay. I didn't feel anything at first either. Over time though, in a matter of just days to a week, you'll feel more and more and more.
What better way to be present than to feel how you feel NOW. Your feelings are of this moment. Your feelings are ALIVE!
Fundamentally, there is no difference between "good" and "bad" thoughts. Or "judgmental" and "loving" thoughts. Thoughts are thoughts.
The next time you find yourself going into judgment mode, acknowledge that your mind is going into judgment mode, then just listen. Be interested in what the mind has to say. Remember, it's not YOU saying these things, it's some old, automated past thought that's re-entering your conscious space as a result of something in your environment.
If you want to get even more practical, take time to write down all the thoughts that are occurring in your head. Then read them out loud or to someone else. You'll quickly be present to the fact that your mind spews out nonsense. And once you identify the nonsense, you'll laugh. At least I did, and still do.
I encourage you to take on a daily practice of observing your thoughts and feeling your body. It's complete transformed my life. I spend a lot less time in my head, and more time in my body and in the real world. There's really nothing like being present, being alive, feeling the body. It's my new favorite high.
If you want to get a more in-depth understanding and explanation of the mind and how to be free, read "The Power of Now: A Spiritual Guide to Enlightenment" by Eckhart Tolle.
I’m BAAAACCCCKKKK (at least for a day haha!) In this post, I let go of all my guilty feelings/thoughts and finally share with you all something I want to say! YAY!
My High School English teacher, Mr. Lewis, made the class freewrite for 5 minutes at the beginning of every class. It was the best, and it still is! This post includes a freewrite of today and a copy of a freewrite entry from back in high school. ENJOY SOME CHOCOLATE! (read post to understand wtf that means lmao)
We must let go of who we were in the past in order to make room for who we want to become. This post marks the end of a most remarkable chapter in my life. One filled with unprecedented results in my personal life. We’re talking getting a six pack, earning my first paying clients as a Life Coach, making my first $100 dollars of passive income, writing/publishing my first ebook to Amazon, starting my own blog and YouTube channel, and impacting 100s of lives!
And guess what, it’s all over! No, not my pursuit of bigger goals, but the chapter that includes the accomplishment of the above goals. So, as we ink the final pages of this first chapter, we acknowledge that it’s over.
Next Chapter Incoming!!!